jokes
Joke Time: Newlyweds Get To Know Each Other
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other.’
He said, ‘That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.’
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One [...]
Tollgate…….
When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth [...]
The Genius of Steven Wright
If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous erudite scientist who once said, “I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen… and replaced by exact duplicates!”
His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us mortals.
Here are some of his gems:
1- [...]
Peaches
A gentlemanly Texas Rancher was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, would you like to buy some peaches?
She pulled the top of the negligee [...]
CIA Assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
‘We must know that you [...]
Clock is Busted
The other night I was invited out for a night with “the boys”. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the [...]
oh shit!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we [...]
How do you tell the difference between democrats, republicans and southern republicans?
Pose the following question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere [...]
Norske Fire Fighters
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the [...]
Welcome!
A young man was about to finish his first year of college. Like so many others his age he considered himself to be a very liberal Democrat and was for distribution of all wealth. He felt deeply ashamed that his father was a rather staunch Republican which he expressed openly. One day he was challenging [...]
